Cousins Sarah and Stephanie, along with a team of family members across generations, took on Birmingham Hospice’s in-memory walk last year in tribute to Sarah’s mom, Ellen.
After a stage four cancer diagnosis and spending some time in hospital, Ellen was cared for at home. Sadly, her health quickly declined and she became too poorly to stay at home, so was taken to be cared for at our Inpatient Unit. Sarah shared: “It was just an absolutely amazing place. As soon as we got there, we could just get back to her being my mom, and me being her daughter, and I didn’t have to feel like her carer anymore. We just all felt as a family that we’d been caught by angels – it was like a little piece of heaven, we were all looked after. The whole family, not just Mom, were all welcome.
“The difference between being on the hospital ward and being in a hospice was like a different world. We were all so welcome, and we could make her room a home from home. She was encouraged to have photos with the family around her, flowers and pictures the kids had drawn for their nan up in the room. There were no set visiting times, you could stay round the clock if you wanted to – we all just felt really comfortable, well looked after and cared for, and the most important thing was that Mom just felt really safe.
“I could see the difference in her within a couple of hours of her going into Birmingham Hospice and being looked after by the amazing teams there. She was sat up in bed having a coffee within a couple of hours of being brought in, and you could just see that she’d relaxed. At home, she was frightened, but when she was in the hospice she just knew she was going to be safe, and that just meant the world to us.
“It was all the little things they did for Mom, it wasn’t just the ‘straight up care’ as such. One of the nurses helped Mom do her eyebrows. It sounds so insignificant but it was massive. She brought in an eyebrow pencil for her and she would do her eyebrows, and Mom was just over the moon with that.
“On the day Mom passed away, the only thing she could tolerate at that point was ice lollies, because her mouth was too sore and she couldn’t swallow very well. She wanted an orange one but the ones in the freezer weren’t that flavour. One of the cleaning staff, who just happened to be walking past the room at the time, overheard and said “you leave that to me” – and I don’t know where she got it from, but she went and found the right flavour for Mom. It was just these little things – nothing was too much trouble, everyone there went above and beyond.
“One of the ladies who took care of the hanging baskets and bird feeders let me bring in a hanging basket and birdseed, and helped us put it right outside her window so she could see the birds. She used to come in at the end of a shift and say goodnight to Mom, give her a hug and hold her hand. When we think about why we did the in-memory walk, it’s because of all these things, and how amazing all the staff were. Everyone that we encountered – volunteers, cleaners, kitchen staff – nothing was too much trouble for anybody. They’re absolutely amazing people.”
Stephanie and her children visited her aunt Ellen regularly in the Inpatient Unit. She told us: “It was just a ‘home from home’ experience, and that was what my auntie wanted – she didn’t want to put her care on the family. So she was happy knowing her sister and daughter were sitting next to her resting, and also being cared for at the same time really – that’s all she wanted. I think as a family, we saw how the hospice demonstrated they care not only for the individual but for everyone – for absolutely everyone – as soon as you walk through the door.”
Sarah, Stephanie and family participated in our in-memory walk event at the Birmingham Botanical Gardens three months after Ellen died. Sarah described it as a lovely day, saying: “Everyone was made to feel really welcome. There were lots of lovely messages people had shared about their loved ones. It almost feels like you’re part of a family. Everybody’s got their own story, but ultimately you’re all there because you’re missing somebody that you love – and equally we’re all there because we feel the love and the support from the hospice, and we want to give something back, because we’ve all been taken care of. I think all the events the hospice puts on for fundraising are emotional, and you just feel that sense of community and everyone coming together. It’s emotional but uplifting in a way, coming together as a group. It was all really well organised – it just felt like a really happy, lovely day.”
To sign up to Birmingham Hospice’s Hearts and Stars Memory Walk, please visit here.
